Why Do I Feel So Much Pressure Every September? Understanding Trauma-Driven Perfectionism
Are you a high-achieving Filipino-Canadian struggling with perfectionism as fall approaches? You're not alone. Learn how childhood trauma creates perfectionist patterns and discover 7 research-backed ways to break free this September.
Photo of tired Asian woman putting head down on table (Photo by dimaberlinphotos)
Do you feel it too? That shift when summer winds down and suddenly everyone's talking about Q4 goals and getting back on track? When coffee shops switch to their fall menu, and something in your chest tightens just a little? You're scrolling through social media seeing everyone's ambitious plans for the rest of the year, and that old voice whispers: "You should be doing more. You should have it all figured out by now."
If you're nodding along, especially if you're part of our Filipino-Canadian community, I want you to know that what you're feeling makes complete sense. And more importantly, you're not alone in this.
Understanding the Childhood Trauma-Perfectionism Connection: What Research Tells Us
Here's something that might surprise you: the research actually backs up what many of us have felt for years. Multiple peer-reviewed studies show that when we experience difficult things in childhood, our brains often develop perfectionism as a way to stay safe.[1,2] It's like our younger selves learned that being "perfect" meant being loved, accepted, or at least avoiding criticism.
For those of us in Filipino-Canadian families, this can feel especially heavy. Maybe you grew up hearing about all the sacrifices your parents made, feeling the weight of utang na loob—that deep sense of gratitude and responsibility. Maybe perfectionism felt like the only way to honor their struggles and make their journey worthwhile. The pressure to excel wasn't just personal; it carried the hopes of generations.
And you know what? Your younger self was brilliant for figuring out how to survive and thrive in that environment. But now, as an adult, that same protective mechanism might be making life feel overwhelming, especially during transition seasons like this one.
How Seasonal Transitions Trigger Perfectionist Patterns
Picture this: It's early September. Everyone around you seems to have their life together. Your LinkedIn feed is full of people crushing their goals. That one cousin who always seems perfect just got another promotion. And suddenly you're making lists upon lists, planning to completely transform your life before December hits.
Sound familiar? Here's what this might look like:
Making grand plans that feel exciting for exactly two days before the overwhelm kicks in
Feeling guilty every time you rest because there's "so much to do"
Comparing your behind-the-scenes to everyone else's highlight reel
Procrastinating on things that matter because they need to be perfect
That familiar pit in your stomach when you think about all the ways you're "behind"
Feeling like taking time for yourself is somehow ungrateful or selfish
If this resonates, I want you to take a deep breath with me. What you're experiencing isn't weakness or lack of motivation. It's your nervous system trying to keep you safe using strategies that worked when you were younger, but might not serve you now.
The Heart of It All: Understanding Your Beautiful, Protective Brain
The science tells us something profound: exposure to childhood adversity is strongly linked to perfectionism and struggles with managing big emotions.[3,4] But let me translate that research into something more human—when you were little and learning how to navigate the world, your brilliant brain noticed patterns. Maybe it learned that excellence meant safety, that struggles should be hidden, that your worth was tied to your achievements.
In Filipino-Canadian homes, this often gets layered with cultural values that are actually beautiful but can become burdensome. Delicadeza—doing the right thing, maintaining dignity—can feel like there's no room for mistakes. The immigrant story of resilience and success can feel like you're carrying not just your own dreams, but your family's entire journey on your shoulders.
None of this is your fault. And honestly? The fact that you're here, reading this, already shows how far you've come.
Breaking Free From Perfectionism: 7 Evidence-Based Strategies for Filipino-Canadian Adults
1. Start Small and Mean It
Instead of that overwhelming master plan, what's one thing that would actually make your life a little brighter? Maybe it's taking a 10-minute walk after work, or finally calling that friend, or spending 15 minutes on something creative. Start there. Not because it's strategic, but because you deserve to feel good.
2. Embrace "Good Enough" (It's Actually Revolutionary)
What would "good enough" look like for your goals? If you want to get stronger, maybe it's moving your body twice a week instead of that intense daily routine your brain insists on planning. Trust me, your future self will thank you for the sustainability over the intensity.
3. Plan Like You Actually Like Yourself
Instead of rigid schedules that set you up to feel like a failure, try gentle "if-then" plans. "If it's Tuesday evening and I have energy, then I'll work on my project for 20 minutes. If I don't have energy, then I'll rest guilt-free." You're not a machine—you're a human being who deserves flexibility.
4. Make Rest Non-Negotiable
I know, I know. Rest can feel selfish when you think about everything your family went through to give you opportunities. But here's the thing: burning yourself out doesn't honor their sacrifice. Taking care of your mental health so you can show up fully for what matters? That does.
5. Notice the Pressure With Kindness
When that familiar "I need to be perfect" feeling shows up, try this: "Oh, there's that old feeling again. It makes sense that I feel this way—this feeling kept me safe when I was younger. But I'm safe now, and I can choose something different."
6. Celebrate Every Single Step
Did you choose rest when you needed it? That's growth. Did you try something even though it wasn't perfect? That's courage. Did you show yourself a moment of kindness? That's revolutionary. Your progress includes learning to treat yourself like someone you love.
7. Remember Your Real Why
Pause and ask: Am I doing this because it lights me up, or because I think I "should"? What would this goal look like if I approached it with love instead of fear? What would it feel like to succeed AND take care of myself in the process?
Your Permission Slip for a Different Kind of Fall
What if this September, instead of forcing yourself into another cycle of unrealistic expectations and inevitable burnout, you tried something radical? What if you decided that your worth isn't dependent on your productivity? What if you chose to pursue your dreams while also being kind to yourself along the way?
The world will keep sending messages about hustle and achievement. Your family's hopes and expectations aren't going anywhere (and honestly, they come from a place of love, even when they feel heavy). But you get to choose how you respond to all of it.
Your younger self did an incredible job surviving and even thriving in circumstances that required so much strength. They deserve credit for that. And now, your adult self gets to offer something different: the radical act of pursuing goals with compassion, of honouring your family's sacrifices by building a life that includes joy and rest and self-forgiveness.
That's not just success, that's healing. And that's what your family ultimately wants for you too: a life that's not just achieved, but genuinely lived.
You're doing better than you think. You're exactly where you need to be. And you deserve all the gentleness you've been giving everyone else.
Take it one day at a time, one breath at a time. You've got this—and more importantly, you've got you.
About the Author
Kim Salvador is a Registered Psychotherapist specializing in childhood trauma recovery, perfectionism and people-pleasing treatment for Filipino-Canadian adults. With expertise in culturally-informed therapy approaches, Kim helps high-achieving individuals break free from perfectionist patterns while honouring their cultural values.
Kim combines evidence-based trauma therapy with a deep understanding of Filipino-Canadian experiences, including immigration stress, intergenerational trauma, and cultural expectations around achievement. Her approach integrates therapeutic methods with cultural sensitivity, helping clients heal from childhood wounds while maintaining connection to their heritage.
Services offered:
Individual therapy for perfectionism and childhood trauma
Culturally-informed therapy for Filipino-Canadian adults
Trauma-informed approaches to anxiety and depression
Ready to break free from perfectionist patterns that no longer serve you? Contact Kim today to learn about therapy options that honour both your healing journey and your cultural identity.
Related Resources
Keywords: childhood trauma therapy, perfectionism treatment, Filipino-Canadian therapist, trauma-informed therapy, perfectionism recovery, cultural therapy, immigrant mental health, intergenerational trauma, September anxiety, back-to-school stress adults
Manalastas, E. J., Kosik, E. R., & Sabino, L. S. (2019). Adverse childhood experiences and multidimensional perfectionism in young adults. Personality and Individual Differences, 146, 75-80. Adverse childhood experiences and multidimensional perfectionism in young adults - ScienceDirect This study with 537 undergraduate students found that "exposure to childhood adversity was associated with significantly elevated socially prescribed perfectionism" Adverse childhood experiences and multidimensional perfectionism in young adults - ScienceDirect
Dobos, B., Piko, B. F., & Kenny, D. T. (2021). What makes university students perfectionists? The role of childhood trauma, emotional dysregulation, academic anxiety, and social support. Scandinavian Journal of Psychology, 62(3), 413-421. PubMedWiley Online Library This large study of 1,750 students confirmed that "perfectionism was positively related to difficulties in emotion regulation and childhood trauma" What makes university students perfectionists? The role of childhood trauma, emotional dysregulation, academic anxiety, and social support - PubMed
Grzesiak, M., et al. (2025). The mediating role of maladaptive perfectionism in the relationship between childhood trauma and depression. Scientific Reports. The mediating role of maladaptive perfectionism in the relationship between childhood trauma and depression | Scientific Reports This recent study demonstrated the connection between childhood trauma and maladaptive perfectionism.
Liu, R. T., et al. (2022). Emotion regulation as mediator between childhood adversity and psychopathology: A meta-analysis. Clinical Psychology Review, 93, 102141. Emotion regulation as mediator between childhood adversity and psychopathology: A meta-analysis - PMC This meta-analysis provides comprehensive evidence linking childhood adversity to emotion regulation difficulties.