Finding Balance: Juggling Family Expectations and Personal Goals

Every adult in their 20s or 30s feels a binding pressure of managing to balance family expectations and their own goals, they aspire to do it all. But only the ones sincerely trying to know how difficult it is.

The Expectations

As a Filipino young adult, your family expects a lot from you, and since they have an image that you have a comparatively better life than they did back in the Philippines, the expectations are even higher.

Your parents expect you to be perfect in every aspect, and meeting these expectations feels far from reality.

Prioritizing Immediate and Extended Family

According to the culture and traditions of Filipinos, family comes before all. You have to take time for your immediate family as well as the extended family, your aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. You have to take time to spare for all of them.

Offering Financial Support

Filipino parents hold high expectations in their children’s career growth, they expect you to be earning enough to support the whole house from the very beginning, without giving you the time and space to build yourself in the initial phase.

Academic Success

Having a Filipino family background naturally connects to the myth that you have to be academically exceptional, you’re expected to get straight A’s in all sorts of subjects and prove yourself to be intellectually great.

However, in reality, not everyone has to be a scholar in studies and your ability to excel has nothing to do with your ethnic background.

Professional Success

Another thing that you’re smoothly expected to gain is professional success, to be professionally successful there is a whole process of self-exploration, hard work, and motivation along with consistency.

It isn’t easy to achieve it all naturally in a blink. Some get pressured into building a career in healthcare deeming it stable and prestigious while they’re more drawn to pursuing their creative passions. 

Other than that Filipinos already face a lot of discrimination based on their ethnic background, which restricts them from many opportunities.

Setting Boundaries

To maintain your mental health, it’s extremely important that you know your boundaries and have them set for others as well. You shouldn’t let a person invade your personal space or disrupt your thought process with their opinions and expectations. What you are and you are going to do is entirely up to what you want from yourself. 

Building boundaries can be difficult but it’s never impossible. Here is how you can do it.

Initiate Conversations

Communication is the key. If you wish to set boundaries for yourself, then you have to be vocal about it. Explain your personal goals and aspirations, and tell them what matters to you most.

This brings a mutual understanding among the people in your lives and they’ll hopefully give you your desired space.

Be Respectful

It is important to communicate your limits and set boundaries around your finances, time, and energy clearly and respectfully. It is not about ignoring your loved ones, but rather about establishing expectations that align with your values and priorities.

Be Clear In Your Mind

Before you begin your journey towards achieving anything you must be clear in your head about what you want, especially when it affects your mental health.

Be clear that you are creating boundaries for the people in your life is important for you even when it might make them unhappy  initially.

Working On Your Goals

Following your family values and traditions are important, alongside your personal goals. Many Filipino-Canadians accomplish their big dreams, while also honoring the values created by their ancestors. Be clear, consistent and smart towards your plans. 

Facing challenges is a part of everyone’s lives, but do not let it stop you from achieving your goals, instead use it as an opportunity. Being BIPOC allows you to view the world in a rich and different  perspective with a mind ready to discover anything.

Guilt Management

As Filipino-Canadians, it can be tough to balance your personal goals with your family's expectations. You might feel guilty for wanting to pursue your own happiness and independence, thinking that you're letting down your loved ones or betraying your cultural roots.

But it's important to remember that taking care of yourself and finding fulfillment in life is not a selfish act, but rather a crucial part of maintaining your mental health and overall well-being.

Instead of seeing guilt as a negative emotion, try to reframe it as a natural part of growing and discovering who you really are. By doing so, you can be kinder to yourself and more accepting of your own unique journey.

Embracing Your Identity

It's important to remember that there's no single way to balance your family's expectations with your own personal goals. It's a process that involves getting to know yourself better, having open conversations with your loved ones, and figuring out what works best for everyone involved.

Don't be too hard on yourself and take pleasure in the little successes along the way. By taking care of yourself, setting healthy boundaries, and talking honestly with your family, you can create a path that feels right for you and your loved ones. 

We hope to make your growth journey seamless, and encourage you to gain acceptance in your identity. At Larô Therapy we provide you with an empathetic and a safe space where you can talk freely about anything and become more confident in your reality.